i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
