He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
