If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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