Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
