She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
