Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
