The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
