I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
