Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
