Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
