i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
