Is it normal to miss your booty call?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
