So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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