Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
