I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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