I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
