remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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