Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
