no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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