Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
