her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
