just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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