it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
