he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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