mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
