I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
