so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
