she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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