she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
