Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
