What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
