Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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