I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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