K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
