Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
