is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She bit a glass in half.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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