Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
