3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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