I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
