So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
