I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
