In the future we'll all be gay
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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