i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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