I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
