some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
