those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
