Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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