you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
