i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
