OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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