you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
