No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
