she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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