Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
