does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
