every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bring me that man meat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
