member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
