I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
